You’re leaving again
rejection I feel
alone, I am.
I needed you, I couldn’t live without you
for a day for a moment, I was yours
you were never mine.
mine to hold,
with hands enclosed.
never were you mine.
lonesome, the bitterness of seeing you.
hurt, if felt.
your room light is on.
are you thinking of me, so suddenly.
everything has been a disaster
the past, the future, it doesn’t matter when,
it was then.
it was pretend.
don’t feed me lies,
or show me your happy.
I see right through the bullshit
all your deception.
I think of you and you burn me with your eyes.
your voice i took for granted,
the familiar sting of loneliness.

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Alone

Lonely means watching him walk away.
Lonely is knowing what words to say but unable to speak them.
Lonely are cold nights in the middle of summer.
Lonely is, choking on everything you wished you told him.
Lonely are the memories, unfilled and unfinished.
Lonely is his name on a faded piece of paper.
Lonely are the words he told you, meaningless now.
Lonely are his arms unable to hold you.
Lonely is reaching but never grasping.
Lonely is feeling everything and nothing at the same time.
Lonely is having so much to say and turning away.
Lonely is fearing rejection so never taking the chance.
Lonely is waiting for him to call and consistently getting disappointing.
Lonely is hoping for him to come, but his friends were always more important.
Lonely is knowing is favorite color and seeing everything reminiscent.
Lonely is watching the door open, hoping.
Lonely are his eyes, unable to catch the glimpse of yours.
Lonely is your smile, it’s been a while since lips have curved upright.
Lonely is scared of letting go, because you’re unsure he’ll come back.
Lonely is the phone, there’s no one to talk to or talk about.
Lonely are the chances missed and the memories that won’t be made.
Lonely are the thoughts that will only inhabit a tired mind.
Lonely is only a word,
only a feeling.
A constant feeling, now that you’ve walked away,
it’s the only word I know how to say.
I let you go, you never returned.
I held your number close to my phone.

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liar

your heart is attributed to your lungs,

so when your heart breaks and your mind aches,

it’s hard to breathe as an asthmatic attack,

leave me smothering in lies,

captivating and lost in deceptive eyes.

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your silence kills me

I went away to get my mind off of things

but the further i went, the lonelier i became.

the realization stung, im without you.

nothing could sway my thoughts,

when everything surronding me were consumed with you.

It was all misleading, ever so decieving,

your arms wrapped around me,

the sight of my heart, bleeding in your hands.

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drowning in sorrow

Lost in Eyes, Deceived by Lies

Here it goes, the truth unfolds,
standing before you, exposing thoughts

and feelings of blue skies…

the notes that unravel,
the songs that describe, the days spent awaiting
here I stand before you, naked.
revealing the pages of the diary,
words stain the paper,
soaked in water, the ink bleeds
as mascara stained tears run down cheeks,
my heart rapidly beats
as quivering knees and shaking lips,
the taste of rejection, so bitter and yet sweet.

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Twists and turns

you throw your words around

taking puzzled pieces and stirring them into sounds.

you shout and you scream, my ears bleed.

you point and you blame, every night, is the same game.

you’re running in circles,

there are no turns to make this right.

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Light

i need some inspiration
i need a hand to hold,
i need something to call my own.
i own the night and the stars above.
I hear a voice, but i cant make out any words.
i need some inspiration
i need a smile, a laugh, a grin, anything
i need a summer sky with clouds and hearts unaware that they can be broken.
i want arms to hold and not to let go.
i want the night to stay dark, so i can be any one
i want to be deaf so no longer will cries be heard
i want to see through innocent eyes.
i hate this feeling.
this penetration of suffrage and heartache.
i want to fly away.
i want to fly with the angels, singing carelessly.
i want to go away, far away.
no one will no my name or my shame, no one will know anything.
i’ll fly away, spread my wings and fly high above the trees.

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Liar Liar, go away, don’t return just fade away

The days faded into tomorrow, As I waited, staring at the phone.

If I disappeared, you’d forget about January skies

and the look of eyes, reflecting from the snow that lie as a corpse,

still in its place.

The grave you willingly dig,

bury yourself deep with lies to keep your thin blood warm and flowing.

surround yourself  with the love you’d refuse to show,

the words, kept to yourself.

Drown yourself in waters of tears.

Leave behind puffy eyes, drenched in regret.

Tell me now, a little too late, how I inhabit your mind.

Remember me tonight, as you walk away without saying goodbye.

This wasn’t this first time I lost you but it’s the last that I’ll look.

They say you don’t know what you have until it’s gone,

but I question if I ever had you at all.

Who is this person that stands at arm’s length from me

just to be close to you, I’ll lie upon the ground with eyes tightly shut

Fabricated memories leave me lamenting.

Always the one too far away to dream of.

Even in sleep I’m unsafe from the feeling I harbor for you.

Unsteady heart beats hum me to slumber.

This secret I can no longer keep.

Goodnight, you say,

Goodbye, I reply.

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who you are and who you try to be

Do u remember me?

The nights of conversations,

The friend who stood on the left side.

Do you remember me?

the hours of venting, The perfect hugs, the warmest hot chocolate.

do u remember me?

assignments procrastinated on, lunches shared, whispered secrets,

code names for all the people you now admire.

do you remember me?

the one who was there when you were crying,

Who held your hand through the darkest nights

The one who knows your favorite color, songs, and movies.

Do you remember me?

The one who told you the truth even when it was hard.

The one who changed their ways to fit your curve.

Do you remember the phone calls, the birthday gifts, the cards, experiences,

inside jokes, nicknames, notes and laughs?

Maybe you out grew me

Maybe you found your way or maybe your just too cool.

Maybe you moved on to people who accept the person your trying so hard to be.

Your eyes are plastic and fake I wish I could forget.

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The Silver Lining

“Hey mom” means,

the twilight is starless,

the dark indigo breathes its life onto the chilling wind,

swaying icicles until shards remain.

The sun is hidden behind Nimbostratus clouds,

dragging against the mourning Earth.

Drops of rain shatter, as they break,

crashing into the streams that shiver.

But you are present.

The greatest gift seen are the infinite skies,

with your umbrella in hand, splashing on puddles,

twirling and tossing dimes.

Lessons learned,

to dance in the rain.

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