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I long for you

My heart aches

My soul is lost without you

How could you leave me behind

Having a future when your past is still present

Time does not heal

It only wastes away

As I tremble

This was our last goodbye

If I had known

I would have held you closer

You are my home

Depression

They prescribed me a little blue pill

but it didn’t take it away

it exacerbated the symptoms

and no one knew

the struggle of waking up

getting out of bed

the lust for sleep

and desire to push away and be alone

isolate

because you won’t understand

all I’ve been though.

Or how hard it is

to work here

but be told

at least you have a job

dismissive.

the time slowly ticks

I am stuck

for now

 

 

 

She’s always so quiet

no one knew the truth

and I stayed hidden

it wasn’t different for anyone to see me in the shadows

but I was struggling.

I couldn’t reach out

or send an sos

to help myself.

the days smeared into each other

your expectations

my let downs

I am certainly unsure

 

 

Losing you is hard because

You were all I had.

You held me

and gave me hope

ive lost you before but you came back

this time is different.

I know that.

 

 

 

 

The truth is that I never stopped loving you

These past years have been a blur

aching..

each day, I thought of you

Lingering emotions

residual feelings.

The stinging pain

the hopeful hopeless.

But you moved on.

I wonder if you ever cared at all

how easy it was for you

and how much I struggled.

I just wanted to make sure you were okay

when I wasn’t.

I wanted to tell you –

but I knew what you would say

and I didn’t want to feel your words

sharp and cold.

I thought that if I stayed in touch

you would want that.

but it was foolish to think you’d remember

or wake up

and see me.

all i’ve done was cause myself pain

it’s my fault.

i should have known.

Letting Go

Your happiest day

will be my saddest.

As I let you go

for the last time.

mourning

the death of what was

grieving

the loss of you.

quiet nights

The world stops

Thoughts like footprints

one at a time.

The days fade into each other

and i am here.

Static sounds break the silence.. Noise.

I wonder

do you?

Does your mind drift to me?

forgotten and farewell the crippling grip. Tired fingers.

dreams, haunted by you.

The imprint of your head on the pillow. nose to nose. The feel of your warm breath.

This pull like two magnetic pieces opposite of the other. Two different worlds collide.

On my mind

I just wanted to say hi

See if you would respond.

Just was thinking about you

Hoping you are happy and that what you were looking for, you found.

I wish I could say things are great, but they’re the same but a lot has changed which doesn’t make sense but it’s how it is.

So if you don’t respond I’d understand but just so you know, you’re on my mind.

Popped in

I am overcome with emotion

These days have passed,

All this time

Spent.

Seeing you and hearing your voice

How strange and familiar

To feel this.

The words I await, uncertainty

Friends or strangers.

Expecting the unexpected.

and so it goes..

I wish I could tell you

but it wouldn’t matter.

you wouldn’t hear my words

or feel..

I lived invisible,

passing by

the ghost from the outside.

and yet you saw me.

excuse my cold hands

or frozen words..

I am not used to the warm touch.

how strange it has been

to feel something other than numb.